About

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who put on a few pounds more than the average girl her age, causing taunting and insults to be hurled her way. She also developed a littler earlier than most which created curiosity and more ridicule.  Feeling different, she internalized it as somehow being imperfect, deformed, and less than accepted in the world of super skinny little girls with board flat chests. This was the beginning of her body self-hatred and a 40 year battle with weight. I did my first diet at the ripe old age of 10. 

But seriously y’all, it’s amazing the power we give others to define who we are or how we feel about ourselves. It seems the more people realize how to pick at the most painful and sensitive parts of you, the more weapons they have at their disposal to hurt you. I’ll never understand the need for some to do exactly this, but it happens all the same. And it most definitely happened to me. It wasn’t always outright meanness, but sometimes in the form of “harmless” teasing. Even from my own family. And the most ridiculous part was that I wasn’t fat at that point. Okay, I had large breasts. Apparently that equals fat.

By the time I was 16, I was a full-fledged anorexic that morphed into bulimia, laxative and diet pill abuse, and eventually anorexia athletica. At the end of my junior year, I weighed a whopping 98 lbs. Even at 5’2″, I can’t imagine that now. Luckily, my boyfriend (husband now) found out and forced me to stop under the threat of revealing all to my mom which would have been an extremely ugly and shameful event. I “recovered” and ended up gaining back to probably where I should have been in the first place…for a while. But, I thought my body wasn’t acceptable. I wasn’t thin enough. I wasn’t perfect enough. I tried many different diets during this time, including a medical one where they monitored everything and put me on a strict diet plan. 

In my twenties, I started gaining more and more weight. After having kids, I gained even more. It got to the point to where I was embarrassed to be seen in public, so I tended to stay home, almost living like a recluse with the exception of my 2 small children and husband. I couldn’t look in the mirror without crying and avoided it as much as possible. 

I felt like my mind was in a battle with my body and my body was the enemy. Yes, the enemy. I wanted to hurt it. Make it pay for not cooperating. And that I did. I hated photos of me even more than the mirror.

I was jealous of every single skinny person in existence and part of me even hated them. Every piece of food I put in my mouth made me feel guilty. I knew I didn’t deserve to eat. I shouldn’t be eating. I hid behind huge clothes, thinking it camouflaged my fat. I felt no need to look decent because to me it was like putting lipstick on a pig. No point. I remember a particularly painful memory where my husband and kids got me a beautiful necklace. Instead of being happy, I told my husband to take it back. I saw no need to spend so much money on something I wouldn’t wear. Needless to say, I hurt them by saying this. That wasn’t my intention. It had everything to do with the self-loathing I felt for myself and the fact I didn’t deserve it, not the gift or sentiment behind it. To this day, I feel horrible about it.

I became extremely depressed and gained even more. I’m guessing at my heaviest I was around 240 lbs. I don’t know for sure because I could not force myself to get on a scale.

Well, eventually as one could predict, I had a pretty good health scare. My blood pressure went through the roof, and I thought at one point I was having a heart attack. I refused to go to the doctor because I didn’t want to know the truth. I even hid it from my husband and that was extremely hard.

I had always been super healthy and couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my obesity was affecting my health. It got to the point that it was so bad that I would have to rest for an hour after changing the kitty litter! Seriously, y’all, the kitty litter.

Finally, I had no choice but go to the doctor for an unrelated issue. It was bad. After taking my blood pressure, I was hooked up to an EKG machine and given blood pressure meds with the warning of being admitted to the hospital if it didn’t drastically go down. Thankfully, it was lowered enough that I could go home. BUT, I had to go visit a cardiologist. Yay! Fun. I was put on 4 different medicines. Ugh! I should also mentioned besides the high BP, I was also diagnosed as being pre-diabetec. I had acid reflux so bad I couldn’t lay down without having acid come into my mouth. I was put on Nexium which I took every day for 8 years. Other issues included rosacea, Reynaud’s syndrome, gas, bloating, pain, and constipation (since age 3). Hello reality. Time to get my booty in gear. And I did, losing 90 lbs! Yay me. I was able to get off one medicine.

Aaaaaaaaaaand, I gained a good 70 lbs back shortly after. The cycle continued. Since then, I’ve lost and gained several times (I’ve lost 80-100lbs four times in my life), but thankfully never reaching my highest weight again. Each time I was able to get back on track before reaching the highest of that cycle of weight loss. But the point is that the so-called “diets” weren’t sustainable. In the back of my mind, I knew it. I tried to lie to myself, but deep down, I knew it. It was inevitable that I’d pack on the pounds again. 

Even though I think deep down I knew the whole eat-less-move-more-lower-fat-intake-increased-carbs was complete BS, I blamed myself for the failure. I didn’t eat less enough or move more enough. Good gaaaa! The brainwashing is real.

See, I grew up during the time when we were advised by just about everyone from doctors to the government that the way to good health and a slimmer body was to “eat less and move more” and “eat less fat and more carbs.” Oh wait, that’s still the mainstream belief that’s repeated and encouraged to this day!

And how has that worked out?? Let’s see…more diabetes, more cardiovascular disease, more inflammatory and immune diseases, and more obesity to name a few. Yeah, seems like this advice is working out well for us. Well, it didn’t work for me and it hasn’t worked for most of us.  

I’ve struggled with food and weight since I was 10 years old. That means I’ve been dieting for more than 40 years, following these guidelines. One diet after another. I’ve pretty much done them all from Weight Watchers to medically supervised diets. Not to mention diet pills, laxatives, and potions as well as exercising 2-5 hours a day 6 days a week. Never had an issue losing weight. Nope. I’m super committed (okay, my family calls it extreme OCDness) and my willpower in unrivaled. Once I make up my mind, game on. And then…the weight would come back, sometimes with a vengeance. Let’s get real. Low calorie, low-fat diets are miserable. Plain and simple. Not sustainable because, well, they suck.

I kept doing the same basic things over and over, cutting back on calories quite a bit (it’s ALL about the caloric deficit, right?), eating tasteless low-fat, boring “diet” food, and exercising until I dropped–only to gain it back. Ugh! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Apparently I, along with most of the population, is insane.

Until I stumbled across Keto July 2017. 

More healthy fat and real whole foods? Why, yes! Who would have thunk it that fat made food taste so darn good and gave the most satiating feeling? Eating low/no fat foods for so long, I really had no idea. I’ve seriously rediscovered food. A-mazing.

I lost 78 lbs and went from a size 14/16 to a 0/2. Since my heaviest known weight, I’ve lost 120 lbs and down from a size 24. That’s a whole other one of me! Holy cowabunga. That’s some serious poundage.

I’ve had a very eye-opening journey. Learning more about my body and how it works has really changed my attitude.  I no longer have to play hide and seek ninja whenever a camera comes out.

But the most life-changing thing about the keto diet was the amazing way it made me feel. The one word that comes closest to my experience with being in ketosis is EUPHORIA. Something I had never experienced before. My shades of gray life became full of beautiful colors. I was no longer depressed or hopeless. I had a new lease on life. Not only that, but I was no longer obese or suffering from super high BP, pre-diabetes, severe acid reflux, major rosacea issues, or Reynaud’s syndrome. And I was down to 1 medication from 5.

Because of my experience and being so dumbfounded I had never heard of the ketogenic diet after all those years of dieting and restricting, I knew I couldn’t keep this secret to myself. I tried to get the word out to anyone who would listen. How could I not? Surely, others didn’t know this secret either. It would be wrong if I didn’t at least present an option to those who struggle so hard like me with the same old results and feelings of failure.

March 2019, I transitioned to the carnivore diet. Since I was a huge advocate of keto, I wanted to experience the whole spectrum and see if I could get off my last remaining medication and improve my rosacea. Well, surprise surprise. I accomplished both of those. But that wasn’t even the biggest improvement. After being keto for a while my digestion and improved a lot. I still had gas, bloating, and occasional constipation, but it was way better. I thought that must be what good digestion was like. NOPE!!! Not even close. After just a few days eating only animal based foods, I had zero gas, bloating, or any other digestive issue. Constipation is gone! Moral of the story, no, gas, bloating, pain, and constipation are NOT normal. Nope. No matter what the health/diet “experts” claim.

I no longer fear regaining the weight because there is nothing unsustainable about my new way of eating, so I will continue to live the ketogenic/carnivore lifestyle. I love the food I CHOOSE to eat. I miss nothing from my former diet. 

And the best part of this lifestyle for me is that food no longer has control over me. This is not a “diet” with an ending once I reach my goal. This is a life I am happy to live forever. Keto/carnivore has literally saved my life emotionally, mentally, and physically.

The last remaining piece of the puzzle for me was finding out I was in fact a pathological food addict in remission. No wonder I had so many issues with diets in the past. Those diets were all high in carbs and full of the foods I was addicted to. Even though I didn’t consume sugar, I still had “moderate” amounts of grains like rice and pasta. And when I hit maintenance and basically went back to eating all the SAD foods in moderation, my addiction was really triggered and moderation was no longer possible for me. I didn’t stand a chance. It wasn’t until I got on a way of eating that removed all those addictive substances (sugar, flour, grains, processed carbs) that I was able to recover. Yes, what you remove is important and for some it’s essential. It’s not restrictive to remove a drug that is harming you and that’s exactly what some foods are for those with addictive brains. There are the white unicorns out there who can moderate, but I’m not one of them.

Now, I want to guide others, so they can accomplish the same. I’ve done a lot of research and obtained many certifications from nutrition to life/keto/carnivore/IF coaching to NLP/CBT/hypnosis to food addiction diagnosis and treatment. I’ve also had some amazing mentors!

I feel motivated to help others on their journey to living a healthier life free of food addiction and deprivation. A way of eating that can be sustained for a lifetime and tools to help maintain and keep from relapsing!